"Grief never ends, but it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love."
I will always be haunted by the date of March 4th. It is a very sad, dark day in my life. The world as I knew it came crashing down around me as I lived through every wife's worst nightmare as I lost my husband without being able to say goodbye or one last I love you on March 4th, 2012. It's been two years since the darkest day of my life. I survived the storm and I'm not the same person who walked into the storm. But not a day goes by where I don't think of Rod.
Two years. Some days it feels like a lifetime ago. I dream of him sometimes. Odd dreams. Like those bad Lifetime movies where he faked his own death and comes back to me alive. Those are crazy dreams.
I believe he pushes me through some of the toughest times. He's my cheerleader during long runs telling me I can do it and he believes in me. I can feel he's proud of me and is keeping an eye out for me up in heaven.
Some days I just want to see him; to hug him so incredibly tight. Honestly, don't you just wish heaven had visiting hours? He was an amazing hugger and all I need right now is a big hug.
I know that God has a plan for me as a widow. And that I'm surviving and thriving on my own. In some ways, I think God wanted me to learn I could survive on my own. Love myself in a way that I never did. He's helping me find strength, independence and my passions. I became this amazingly strong person who is chasing her dreams and standing on her own.
Eventually, in His own time, God will lead me to someone new. I do believe that; I have to believe that I get more than one love. It's going to happen. I have faith (most days). But the love I had for Rod will never go away. His death left a hole in my heart that will never be filled; a heartache no one can heal.
On this sad second anniversary, I ask that if you knew Rod, to remember him today. Honor his memory. Remember his laugh, his joy for life or even how obsessed he was about NASCAR. He was an amazing person and deserves to be honored and remembered on this day. I also ask that you hug those you love tightly, tell them that you love them because you never know when that will be the last time.
In memory of Rod: my love, my husband, my best friend. I miss you every day.