Tuesday, March 4, 2014

A Sad Second Anniversary

"Grief never ends, but it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love."

I will always be haunted by the date of March 4th. It is a very sad, dark day in my life. The world as I knew it came crashing down around me as I lived through every wife's worst nightmare as I lost my husband without being able to say goodbye or one last I love you on March 4th, 2012. It's been two years since the darkest day of my life. I survived the storm and I'm not the same person who walked into the storm. But not a day goes by where I don't think of Rod.

Two years. Some days it feels like a lifetime ago. I dream of him sometimes. Odd dreams. Like those bad Lifetime movies where he faked his own death and comes back to me alive. Those are crazy dreams.

I believe he pushes me through some of the toughest times. He's my cheerleader during long runs telling me I can do it and he believes in me. I can feel he's proud of me and is keeping an eye out for me up in heaven.

Some days I just want to see him; to hug him so incredibly tight. Honestly, don't you just wish heaven had visiting hours? He was an amazing hugger and all I need right now is a big hug.

I know that God has a plan for me as a widow. And that I'm surviving and thriving on my own. In some ways, I think God wanted me to learn I could survive on my own. Love myself in a way that I never did. He's helping me find strength, independence and my passions. I became this amazingly strong person who is chasing her dreams and standing on her own.

Eventually, in His own time, God will lead me to someone new. I do believe that; I have to believe that I get more than one love. It's going to happen. I have faith (most days). But the love I had for Rod will never go away. His death left a hole in my heart that will never be filled; a heartache no one can heal. 

On this sad second anniversary, I ask that if you knew Rod, to remember him today. Honor his memory. Remember his laugh, his joy for life or even how obsessed he was about NASCAR. He was an amazing person and deserves to be honored and remembered on this day. I also ask that you hug those you love tightly, tell them that you love them because you never know when that will be the last time.

In memory of Rod: my love, my husband, my best friend. I miss you every day.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Marathon Training Recap, 2/23 to 3/1

Marathon training is in full swing! Last week was week two of my NEW training plan, although I've been training for awhile now, but I switched plans last week. So far this new plan is working out much better! My legs aren't nearly as tired nor am I suffering from Achilles or knee issues. Thinking this new plan from Runner's World is a good choice for me.

Weekly Wrap Up:

Total Miles: 38.9 

Although I got all my miles in, this week was rough for me. I started feeling a cold coming on starting on Monday night. I had a tight feeling, pressure in my chest. I skipped my planned Pilates to rest my body. Tuesday I woke up feeling more pressure and a scratchy throat. I went to the gym and told myself to at least try to run and see how I felt. I managed to finish each run, but everything after was a struggle. All I wanted to do the rest of those days is sleep! I'm amazed I did as much as I did in my workouts. 

Saturday = long run day. I woke up feeling okay. The pressure in my chest was gone and I had a scratchy throat and a cough, but was okay otherwise. Due to Polar Vortex 3.0, I was stuck doing another long run on the treadmill. Sadly, my second home gym is closed due to a remodel so I had to hit up a different gym. My first hour flew by; however, at about mile 11, I could really feel that cold. It didn't help that it felt like a sauna in this gym and they didn't have any fans. I slowed down my pace, drank lots of water, took in some fuel and pushed through it. Not every mile was a struggle. I managed to focus in on the joy of the run for awhile until a cough attack would come and I would have to slow down. The last two miles were a test of mental toughness for sure! Repeating this is definitely what got me through: 

In the end, I'm proud I pushed through to my longest run. Even with a cold. My second half marathon is two weeks out and I didn't want to miss a training run unless I had to, and I felt okay when I started out. It was tough, but I'm tougher! I will admit that I need to work on fueling properly. I need to purchase some Nuun or some form of electrolytes because I did end up feeling sick in the afternoon. I'm guessing with the sauna heat (as you can tell by my sweat soaked shirt!), my body needed more than the Honey Stingers chews gave it. And, this is definitely new, my whole pinky toe is covered in a blister. Ouchie!!!

The weather looks like it should be improving by the end of this week (keeping my fingers and toes crossed!) so hopefully I can get outside for my planned runs later in the week including my 18 miler on Saturday! With the half marathon in two Saturdays, we definitely need some warmer weather to melt the snow off the roads for a clear trail. Plus, I'm hoping for at least 30 degrees on race day with low wind! Pretty please Mother Nature?!! 

Until next time~