Wednesday, December 4, 2013

A Weighty Issue

About two months ago I was out with a "friend" who asked me how much I weigh. Now, I normally don't tell people how much I weigh. I don't think it's anyone's business other than mine, my doctors and maybe my parents. However, I'm also not embarrassed by it. I figured this person was a friend and wouldn't judge so I told her.

Her response? 
You weigh that much?? I feel so much better about myself now if you weigh so much!

To a person who has lost over 50 pounds and maintained that loss for about a year, I don't think I weigh "too much", but I found myself defending my weight.

Well, I lift weights three times a week, too so I'm not just "skinny."
I workout six days a week and eat pretty clean so I think that's healthy.
I wear the smallest size jeans they sell in women's sizing!
I've lost over 50 pounds, what's wrong with what I weigh? 
Am I supposed to weigh less??

But then I just stopped. Why do I need to defend my weight? My weight is in the healthy range, and I know there are plenty of people out there who say I'm too thin, so why was she shocked at my weight??



I tried talking with her about why she thought I weighed so much, and what I thought it meant to be healthy, but her only answer was that we should aim to weigh around 100 pounds. Women are "supposed to be" super skinny. Seriously.

I think some people just put too much pressure on that number of the scale. They let that number define them. I know I struggle with it when my weight fluctuates, but after a year of maintenance, I'm finally realizing that my weight is going to fluctuate occasionally. And it usually has nothing to do with how I'm eating or actual weight gain. It's hormones, water weight, etc. It always levels back out at my "normal" weight. 

Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves, or others, to weigh a certain amount? Why does that matter so much? And why would someone who is 5'8 want to weigh 103 pounds? That isn't even a healthy weight for my 5'4 frame! 

I'm trying not to put so much pressure on myself for what the scale says. I know that I'm healthy. I run every day (because I'm doing the Runner's World Holiday Streak!). I eat healthy and stay away from junk most of the time, but also allow treats. Although I do weigh myself often, I try not to let that number define me. I go by how my jeans fit. And honestly, once you have to start using a belt on your size 00 jeans and you're buying your running clothes in the girls' department not women's, you don't think you need to lose anymore weight! You actually start to think the opposite.



Now, this "friend" hasn't talked to me since that dinner date. Apparently I did my job of making her feel better about herself and I was promptly dumped. Which is okay, because I don't need people making me feel bad about myself just to make themselves feel better. Friendships shouldn't be based on that.

So, my question is, how do you respond to those who want to bring you down because of your weight? Or something similar? Why aren't we lifting each other up rather than tearing each other down when we know how hard we can be on ourselves when it comes to weight??



Until next time~ 

8 comments:

  1. I can't believe your "friend" said such things! I'd have told her to MYOB. Great post!

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    1. Thanks! I thought I weighed a good weight until she said that, but I'm okay with it now!

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  2. Wow! I am honestly in shock at what your friend said! Not worrying about the number on the scale has been a work in progress for me, but I feel like I've been in a good place the last few months. I honestly can't think of a time that I have had a friend say anything other than something positive regarding weight. I am like you - I go by how my clothes fit! Its much easier than worrying about what the number says. Random fact - my sister is 6'1" and I'm 5'8" - I weigh about 10-15 pounds less than her; however if we stood side by side, she looks super skinny - its just her body type. I think that definitely helped me start to realize years ago that the number on the scale doesn't mean anything.

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    1. Yes, everyone carries weight so differently. I thought I weighed the right amount for my frame until she said that. Luckily I've since gotten over it and am okay with the scale again. Friends should be positive towards one another!!

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  3. That's awful about this "friend." I'm all for people sharing about their journey and concerns with their weight, etc. but it's not ok to make anyone feel bad about their weight, even if they are over weight. I think for those of us who have really struggled with our weight, it's very important to not worry about that number. You worry about inches, you worry about clothing size, and more importantly, you worry about how you feel. I discuss this a lot with my trainer and she's adamant that I take time off from the scale from time to time. It makes us all crazy and you're right, if you lift weights, your weight will seem much higher than it "should" be.

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    1. I was perfectly okay with where my weight was until she said that. It took me awhile to get back to being okay with it. I know that I'm thin, but muscular thanks to all the running and weight lifting. And a lower body fat percentage means more to me than that dang scale! I've never been able to break away from it though!!

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  4. First of all, I can't believe that someone who is supposed to be your friend would say something like that to you.
    Second I think this post is amazing and I don't think that anyone should ever comment on another person's weight ever for any reason. It's no one's business but your own. The "friend" that tore you down like that really sucks. I'm sorry. :(

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    1. Thank you! I agree with you. Weight is such a sensitive issue and it's very personal. I think her comment was just to make herself feel better because she was struggling and knew I was happy. A true friend she is not!

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