Last night I was on the phone with someone who matters quite a bit to me and whose opinion of me I hold highly. I was sharing some of my stresses with this person about my weight and food, and how some people think I'm starting to get "too skinny" and need to stop losing weight. And as a side note, I'm not trying to lose more weight. I'm working on maintaining!! I'm just struggling a little bit with it.
I shared with this person that I personally don't think I'm too skinny. I eat right, I work out and I'm fit. I know I'm the smallest I've pretty much ever been, but I don't think I'm too skinny. This person said next, "every woman thinks they're fat no matter how skinny they are." In response, I said that I don't think I'm fat. I think I'm a good weight, a good size and I look healthy. The next comment is where this conversation bothers me .... "If you don't think you're fat, than you're too skinny." This comment has stayed with me all night and all day.
I've struggled with low self-esteem my whole life. Losing 50 pounds this past year has helped, but I still struggle. Being single, I don't have anyone telling me or making me feel that I look beautiful. I'm the only person that can do that. I'm at the point now where I think I'm thin, fit and healthy looking; I'm happy with where my body is right now. Of course I still think I have things to work on or "flaws", but overall I'm happy with my body. To have someone who I want to look at me and think I'm beautiful make a comment like that really bothers me. I believe that me NOT thinking I'm fat means I am finally starting to have a healthy body image.
In many ways, I would like to think that this person was joking and it came off horribly. I really don't find that funny. It makes me stress out a little bit about what I look like just as I was starting to embrace myself again. This person knows that I suffer from low self esteem, and should know that their opinion of me is highly regarded. Honestly, all I wanted was for that person to tell me not to worry; that I'm perfect just the way I am.
Today I'm struggling with this comment and what it means. I'm hoping sharing it will help me through some of the frustration. I don't understand how if I think I'm healthy and not fat, that makes me too skinny. I don't get that rationale. I think I deserve a pat on the back for finally embracing my body and finding a healthier body image. Not to be made fun of or make me feel as if I still need to work on my body. I want the people I love to support me, to be proud of me and to love me back just as I am.
Until next time~