Monday, May 28, 2012

Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day. Another holiday without my husband, my partner. Another day to reflect on how much I miss him. 

I understand the true reason for Memorial Day - a holiday to honor those who have paid the ultimate price to ensure our freedom. I always remember to stop and give thanks for the many who have died protecting that freedom on this day. But Memorial Day also brings back strong memories of those in my life who have passed away, and this year, I'm especially thinking of Rod.

I keep looking at his urn. Our wedding rings stacked on top of it. I wish I could wear his ring today. I wish I would have gotten it re-sized to fit my finger. Ultimately, I wish he was still wearing it. And we were grilling up some delicious dinner today. 

I'm trying. I'm trying hard to push on with life. To "get over it" as people so eloquently say. I'm trying to be cheerful, to be happy, to live every day without him with a smile on my face. But, there are many days like today that the sadness takes over. And I just miss him so much.


Friday, May 25, 2012

High Five for Friday

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Who doesn't love Fridays? People who have to work all weekend, I suppose. But most people love Fridays, including me! And since it's Friday, that means that I get to reflect on my week and find those five good things that happened. Such a good thing that Lauren at From My Grey Desk invented - High Five for Friday!

Let's get to it, shall we?

1. Reorganized office. 
Last Sunday I spent all day moving furniture, going through my closet, throwing things away, moving furniture again and cleaning my office. I wanted the room to feel like an office, not a guest room. I think that a good office feeling is important when you work from home. I like the way it turned out with the desk in the middle of the room in front of the window, but now I would really like some new office furniture! And new paint on the walls.


2. New artwork. 
I moved the picture that was above my bed into the office where it was meant to be, and that left a big empty spot above the bed. I decided to go to Home Goods and see if they had anything on the cheap that would work for my bedroom. I found this piece that fits my color scheme perfectly.


3. Reading a good book. 
I watch a lot of reality TV. And I'm talking about the Real Housewives of Wherever ... those types. They always have something to sell whether it be purses, makeup, music, but I've never bought anything. Until now. I saw that Bethenny Frankel wrote a novel, Skinnydipping, and I bought it. And I liked it.


4. My new mantra for life.

5. Continuing to make it the gym. 
I've been keeping up with my gym schedule again this week and it's paying off ... slowly. My two pairs of jeans are now too big for me!!

 Remember to be thankful for the good things in your week no matter how small they seem! 

Until next time~

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Summer Cocktails

Summer is just around the corner. The days are starting to get warmer (sometimes even hot!) and the sun is out longer. Other than drooling over summer fashion, I'm also recently addicted to scouring my favorite sites for summer cocktails. Those fun, fruity drinks I love. I imagine long summer days spent on my patio with good friends and trying out these cocktails. Who wants to come over and join me?

Fresh Strawberry Coconut Margaritas over at How Sweet It Is
Pinned Here

Cherry Beer Margaritas over at Shugary Sweets
Pinned Here

Cake Vodka Martini over at Sugarcrafter
Pinned Here

Lemonade Beer with Cherry Rum over at Shugary Sweets
Pinned Here

Strawberry Margaritas over at Tide and Thyme
Pinned Here

Triple Berry Mojitos over at How Sweet It is
Pinned Here

Did you notice I have a thing for margaritas?? 

I hope I have a chance to try out some of these recipes soon!
Until next time~

Friday, May 18, 2012

High Five for Friday

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Finally, it's Friday! Okay, this week hasn't really been that long; it's been a pretty good week. However, this is my favorite day to blog because I get to reflect on the good things over the week! I love hooking up with Lauren at From My Grey Desk for High Five for Friday!

So, let's get to the good stuff ...

1. Spending Mother's Day with my mom (and my dad!). I went home last weekend and spent lots of time outside, my mom and I went to the greenhouse to pick out flowers for their garden, I watched my dad start planting the vegetable garden and went to church. I love spending time with my parents!

2. Enjoying the beautiful weather we've been having. Summer is just around the corner, and the Minnesota weather is definitely reflecting that. I brought out my grill and patio furniture and have spent some time enjoying the sunshine!

Mercedes loves the sunshine as well!

3. Spending time with a great friend I hadn't seen in awhile. Last night I met my friend Lisa for Mexican food and a margarita, and great conversation. Plus, I got to wear my sparkly shoes!!

Gold, sparkly shoes. Love!!

4. Buying a smaller size shirt. I went to American Eagle this week to pick up a couple of tees they had on sale since the weather is starting to turn nice, and I grabbed my usual size. After trying them on, I realized I fit into a smaller size!!!

5. Continuing to stick to a healthier lifestyle. Other than last night at the Mexican restaurant, I have been eating healthy and working out daily. I track what I eat so I know how many calories, carbs, fat and protein I'm consuming so I know what I'm eating is good for me. Although I don't feel as if I'm losing weight fast, I feel healthier!

I hope you all had a good week and remember to find the bright spots in your week!

Until next time~

Thursday, May 17, 2012

A Healthier Me

I was at my best weight over five and a half years ago; right before I got married. For the whole year before, I worked hard at losing weight with Weight Watchers and at home workout videos. I wanted to look amazing in my wedding dress, and that day, I felt amazing. 

But then, life happened. We had so many downs these last few five years that I just stopped caring about keeping a healthier weight. I indulged too much on ice cream and baked goods that helped me feel better about how much life hurt. My weight would just fluctuate constantly.

Since moving to my new home, I've been a little better. I took the dogs on daily walks, even joined a gym for awhile, but I didn't change my eating habits. I would rarely eat five fruits and veggies a day, and would enjoy ice cream or cookies every night. 

After Rod passed, I got a wake up call in a way. He died of a heart attack, and maybe it could have been something we could have avoided. Maybe not since he was diabetic and had other health issues, but it really hit me that my eating habits had to change. I want to lose weight and feel healthier, and not worry about my heart as well.

I'm now on this journey to be healthier. Right now it's consuming me ... looking up healthy recipes, new exercises to try and tracking everything I eat. I think it's because I couldn't control what happened to Rod, but I can control how I live my life now. 

So how have I changed? I start my day out with a low sugar cereal rather than Lucky Charms. I try to eat a salad every day for lunch, or an egg with lots of veggies on the side. My snacks are fruit or yogurt. I have a vegetable with dinner every day. No fried food. I don't drink any soda ... not even my favorite root beer! I also workout six days a week with a mixture of cardio and weights.

This journey is already making me feel better. I feel more energized. I don't need as much coffee to get going in the morning. And although I haven't lost much weight yet, I feel lighter. I even got to buy a smaller size shirt yesterday when I went to pick up a few t-shirts since mine were looking too big! Although I do wish the weight would drop off faster (my goal is to lose 30 pounds), I am happy that I'm starting to feel better about myself.

And no worries, I will still enjoy my ice cream or cookies ... just a few times a month rather than nightly!

Friday, May 11, 2012

High Five for Friday

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It's the end to another week and another chance to hook up with Lauren at From My Grey Desk for another High Five for Friday post. I missed last week so it's good to get back into it this week and remember the good things about my week, even though I had a tough weekend.

So let's get into it, shall we?

1. On Sunday, Amber and I went and saw The Lucky One. Good movie, a little bit of a tearjerker. And Zac Efron is HOT!! (Am I allowed to say that? He is way younger than me!!)


2. I've been going the gym on a regular basis with only taking Sundays off. I'm honestly really enjoying it. I feel so good after getting in a sweaty workout! I've also lost 4 pounds in the last two weeks!! Whoo-hoo!!

3. I have this new obsession with glitter nail polish. If I see a bottle at the store, it inevitably ends up in my cart. When I paint my nails, I feel the need to add glitter. Please tell me that I'm not the only one???

4. How cute and simple is this dress? I love it so much! I can imagine wearing it this summer with a cute pair of flat sandals to run errands or on the vacation to somewhere warm I'm planning on treating myself to this fall. I don't usually wear green, but I'm drawn to the this dress and am really thinking about splurging on it. I love how casual it is; it looks like it would be so comfortable.

From Anthropologie

5. Last weekend was a little bit of a downer for me. These guys help me through every day ...

Mercedes
Lucky and Me
I hope you all take the time to remember the good things in your week and your life - especially the little things. No matter how tough or sad your week is, there is always bright spots - seek them out and celebrate them. Life is too short to not allow yourself some moments of sunshine.

Until next time~

Monday, May 7, 2012

Treating Myself

Last Friday marked two months since my beloved husband passed away. I tried so hard to be positive and upbeat all day; to now dwell on the sadness of what the 4th of every month now means to me. I decided to get out of the house for awhile and do a little shopping

I talked with my mother-in-law shortly before leaving the house. She made me promise to buy myself something while I was out and not just pick up necessities. This is not the first time that someone has told me to treat myself to something nice over these past couple of months; my mom constantly is telling me this. I go out with good intentions, but in the end always put the shirt or shoes down before I get to the checkout lane. I only buy something if it's on sale or if I need it. I live on a very carefully planned budget (very necessary when going from two incomes down to one!) and I don't have room to "treat myself." However, I figured this time I could do it. I would buy myself a new pair of shoes!

So, I go out and start my shopping day. I buy dog treats, coffee, groceries, etc. I go to Ulta and spend $5 on some delicious smelling body lotion. Which I think qualifies as a necessity and a treat! I then go to DSW for some shoe shopping. I try on a bunch of shoes and pick out a few I like. Then, before I go up to check out ... I PUT THEM BACK! I couldn't justify spending the money. Not when Lucky needs to go to the vet. Mother's Day is coming up. The dogs need more food. Too many other expenses kept running through my head that I just couldn't do it. I couldn't spend the money on just me.

I did make one last stop though - to Pier 1. I saw this cute little pig online and saw that he was marked down on clearance. I couldn't resist. Even though he doesn't fit into my normal household decor, he made me smile. Does this count as treating myself??

He makes me smile every time I walk by him!

If I were able to treat myself right now, I think I would have to buy this tech case from Coach. It would be perfect for days when I don't want to carry a purse. And it's so pretty!
www.coach.com

In the end, I know I probably won't end up buying the Coach case. I just wish I could stop those voices running through my head telling me to not spend money on myself. At least just long enough to buy one pretty thing that isn't for my house, for my dogs or a necessity.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Loneliness

There are times that I love living alone. I love being able to watch what I want on TV. Being able to make what I want to eat for dinner. Having a dance party in the living room when I'm bored at night. Chasing the dogs around in circles without anyone thinking I'm crazy.

However, I find that I am also very lonely at times. I don't have anyone to eat dinner with, or go out with for drinks and dinner when I don't feel like cooking. Someone to discuss my day with. Someone to curl up and watch a movie with. Someone to pound on the wall when the neighbor's surround sound rattles the wall. Someone to hug me. Someone just to be here.

I have a few friends who have been wonderful - taking time out of their lives to go see a movie with me. To text me late into the evening. To call me to see how I'm doing. But, many of my friends are too busy with their own lives, their own families, their own significant others, to take time to hang out. Those friends who I thought would be there for me through this whole process just can't seem to take the time to say hello and see if I need anything. They can't even take one evening out of their own lives to meet for a drink. So most days I sit at home alone.

I'm starting to feel like the loser in high school. The one who sat alone in the cafeteria during lunch time. Everyone is having fun all around me while I'm sitting on my own reading a book. When all I want is for someone to take notice of me and invite me to the fun.

I don't know how to handle this part. I don't know how to go out and meet new people. I feel to old to go out to the bar. And I'm too scared to go on my own. This is where my shyness, my tendency to be introverted, gets the best of me. 

But this constant feeling of loneliness? It's horrible.