It's mid-November and I have yet to get in the Christmas spirit. It seems as if everyone I know or interact with on Facebook and Twitter, and even Pinterest is full of Christmas spirit already. All the stores are decorated and Christmas music is already playing... and I cringe. I think it's too early; that I'm just not ready for Christmas. I haven't felt the excitement yet this year. I haven't picked up a new Christmas stocking to replace the matching ones Rod and I have used the past few years. I haven't felt the need to make any fun Christmas crafts. I haven't looked up any new cookie recipes or even browsed a Target Christmas aisle. I usually love doing those things now to get ready for decorating!
Where is my Christmas spirit??
I'm hoping that it's just too early for my Christmas spirit to be in full force. Hopefully after Thanksgiving or my birthday I will find some Christmas cheer. I'll be ready to put up my tree and listen to some holiday music on Pandora.
However, I do know this Christmas will be drastically different. Maybe that's playing a part in my lack of cheer. This will be my first Christmas completely alone. No husband, no boyfriend, no partner to help me put up the tree, decorate the house, pick out Christmas gifts, watch Elf with ... it'll be just me and the puppies. I'm not afraid of being alone, but I am afraid of being lonely.
I'm afraid of looking at the tree with barely any gifts under it, and nothing special from my loved one to me. Or to my loved one from me. I don't even know if I'll put Christmas stockings up this year because who would I fill them up for other than the puppies?
I just don't know what to expect to feel this year for the holidays. I'm approaching them very cautiously. Hoping that I won't feel nearly as lonely as I expect. Hoping that one day I'll wake up and be ready to embrace the holiday cheer. I usually love Christmas so I hope the holiday spirit finds its way into my heart soon.
Until next time~