Tuesday, October 30, 2012

On the Cusp

"You know what's scary? Making a big life change. Know what's even scarier? Regret."

Life changes are incredibly terrifying. Getting married, getting divorced, having a baby, moving across country or some tragic event that takes a loved one away from you. All of those are huge life changes that scare you and test you. However, if you don't take chances to change your life, you could always live with regret. Regret that can eat you alive and always make you wonder "what if?" 

My big life change this year was forced on me. I remember thinking back in February that I wanted my life to be different. I could picture my future in my mind and I knew that things would have to change to make that happen. And then, tragedy struck. I only had one logical choice - I picked myself up and moved on. I have zero regrets of the decisions I have made since March and am happy where my life has led me thus far.

However, I feel as if I'm on the cusp of another big life change. This time, I'm ready for it; ready for whatever life brings. I am strong enough to handle anything and am confident enough to face the world on my own. I am ready to make the change and not run away with fear. I no longer want to have regrets. This is my life and I'm living it for myself now. 
Bring it on life!!

Friday, October 26, 2012

High Five for Friday

This has been a strange week to say the least and thank goodness it's Friday! I love that Fridays mean linking up with Lauren for High Five for Friday and being able to reflect on my week to find the good things, even just the simple good things. Let's get to it, shall we?

The highlight of my week was picking up the new Taylor Swift Red album!! I was as giddy as a teenage girl buying that CD! I've listened to it quite a few times and am in awe of Taylor Swift's songwriting talent. My favorite song so far is "Begin Again." 
And you throw your head back laughing
Like a little kid
I think it's strange that you think I'm funny
Cause he never did
I've been spending the last 8 months
Thinking all love does
Is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe 
I watched it begin again

Last Sunday I needed to return a sweater I bought and ended up not liking so while out I decided to do a little window shopping. While at White House Black Market I saw this super cute dress I felt was calling my name. It's so beautiful! It would be a good option if I ever figure out what I'm doing to celebrate my birthday at the end of November.

Because sometimes a girl just needs pretty flowers to brighten up her house ....

I had a guest at my house on Tuesday and he had never watched one of my favorite movies, Crazy Stupid Love. Of course, I had to have him watch it. Mainly because I can stare at the super hot Ryan Gosling the whole time!!

This quote makes me want to go shopping for shoes ... because I'm ready for my life to change!

Until next time~

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Pieces of Who I Am

Images and idea for blog courtesy of andthatswhoiam.tumblr.com

Friday, October 19, 2012

High Five for Friday

Welcome back Friday! This week has felt long. By the time Tuesday came around I felt as if it should have been Thursday. That's not a good sign! But I survived and now it's time to link up with Lauren for the weekly High Five for Friday ...

Sunday I spent my day painting pumpkins I got the last time I was at my parents' house. My parents had a huge vegetable garden this year and they planted a bunch of pumpkins. Somehow I ended up with five of them (too many for me!) and I gave two of them to Amber and painted the other three. I wanted them to be different, not exactly Halloween-ey, so I did polka dots, a solid metallic color and stripes. They turned out super cute!

I stumbled on this article on Thought Catalog yesterday, When Will You Be Ready To Be Loved?". This article is amazingly written and many things I think about myself are reflected in it. "Believing that you are worthy and deserving of love, or that the act itself is even possible, is certainly something that we come to terms with slowly over a lifetime." 

For the first time ever, I tried a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks. I rarely frequent Starbucks; however, everyone raves about these pumpkin spice lattes on my Twitter feed. Almost daily someone posts something about how delicious they are so I finally tried one. The verdict? Yummy!

One of my favorite artists is Joshua Radin. I just LOVE his music. I first heard of him from the Ellen Degeneres Show and have since bought most of his music on iTunes. This new song was performed last week and I can't stop listening to it. Beautiful!

And from sweetly romantic to this ... my lovely friend Amber has had some neighbor trouble this week (ah, the joys of living in townhomes!) and I stumbled upon this quote that I found fitting in the situation!

Hope you all had a wonderful week!
Until next time~

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Oh the Places I Will Go

I have been dreaming of traveling for awhile now. I have bitten by the travel bug since going to Seattle a couple of months ago and now I want to travel more. There is so much of this gorgeous country I haven't seen. Here are some of the places I've been dreaming of visiting ...

San Diego
I think going to southern California has been a dream of mine my entire life. I have been lucky enough to go to California once and see San Francisco (loved it!) and desperately want to see San Diego. The beaches, the surfing, the weather ... it all appeals to me.

Chicago really isn't all that far away from me, but I have never been. I definitely want to though and have tried to make plans over these last few years that sadly always fell through. I would like to go in the summer; I always thought it would be fun to see a Cubs game at Wrigley Field. 

New York City
This needs no explanation. I would be a total tourist in this city - Times Square, Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty, Central Park ... too many things to list! 

New Orleans
My grandma used to tell me stories of New Orleans and Mardi Gras. She and my grandpa used to travel a lot and Louisiana is one of her favorite states. I've always wanted to see what she experienced. This city is just fascinating to me ... from the food, to the jazz, the French Quarter and just the history.

Las Vegas
Okay, I've actually been here. However, it was for work and I was in conferences all day! I want to go back to Las Vegas with some friends and experience the fun I constantly hear about. I want to see some shows, experience the nightlife and just let loose in the one city that completely encourages it.

Austin, Texas
I've wanted to go to Austin since The Real World was there back in 2005. I had probably never thought much about Austin until 2005, but now it tops my list of places to see. Everything that I've seen of the city just looks amazing. And I love live music so that aspect of the city appeals to me, as does the fact that it's still like 70 degrees there in January! 

Who doesn't dream of going to Hawaii???

So those are just a few places I want ... no, I will visit someday. Soon for some of them I hope! And this is just the start of my list. As soon as I started to write this so many more cities came to mind!

Until next time~

Friday, October 12, 2012

High Five for Friday

I'm so excited it's Friday! Not because it's been a difficult week; it's been a fine week, perfectly normal. I started my week off with burying Rod's ashes (okay, that's not normal, but I feel comforted with his ashes buried), did a little shopping, found out I'm thisclose to my goal weight and am ending the week with a Friday night that makes me both a little nervous, but very excited. Cheers to Friday!

Since it's Friday, it's time to link up with Lauren at From My Grey Desk for High Five for Friday ...

Last weekend was spent up at my parents' house. It was so nice to spend time up at the farm with them. Not only was I able to see my parents, but I also saw my grandpa who got the good news he was able to come home from the hospital (yay!), my brother and my nephew. My nephew insisted on pillow fights one night and that was fun! He's such a great kid!

I found my new fall scented lotion - Amber Romance from Victoria's Secret. I've been using coconut lime or some other coconut scented lotion all summer and figured it was time to switch over to something less summery. This scent is amazing!!

I fell in love with this outfit the instant I saw it in my Victoria's Secret catalog. I want to either buy it or recreate it somehow. I love the skinny jeans, the boots, the button down under a blazer ... perfect. I think this would be a good look for me. Somehow it combines sexiness with comfort and looks effortless. Exactly how I would like to look on an every day basis. 

Personally, I have been struggling shopping. It's a combination of not wanting to spend too much money, but wanting to find clothes that fit me perfectly both in style and my body. Date outfits are something I need to have, and this is what I came up with for now. I purchased the sparkly top from Express, and combined it with skinny jeans, a navy sweater and tall boots. Hopefully it's a good date outfit!

These guys are my world and, I might be a little biased, the cutest things ever!

Until next time~

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Weight Loss Update

Today I stepped on the scale and couldn't believe the number I saw. I had to step on it again ... 128 pounds. I have lost 40 pounds total since April. Unbelievable to me! I am just three pounds away from my goal weight of 125. Even though I still feel as if I have many, many pounds to go.

So what have I been doing to keep losing the weight? Many people have asked me that lately. I started off this weight loss adventure by just going to the gym and eating healthy. It worked and the weight slowly started coming off. Then, I switched to Isagenix. Which also worked well for me, but I just couldn't afford to keep using it and honestly I missed eating real food! Now, I'm back to just eating healthy and five days a week at the gym.

I am probably the most boring eater there is. I eat the same things all the time. Why? Well, partly because it's easier for me to control my calories and fat intake, but also because cooking for one is a little bit of a challenge! I start every day off with oatmeal topped with fruit and a little bit of brown sugar (after my one cup of coffee of course!). For lunch, I always have a salad. I eat snacks throughout the day when I'm hungry - fruit, string cheese or some graham crackers. For dinner, I basically eat what I want. Lately my options include turkey tacos, chicken burrito bowl, chicken tortilla soup, migas, chicken and veggies or something similar. (Apparently I eat a lot of chicken. And like Tex-Mex.) I always make sure to load up on the vegetables, but don't deny myself something if I want it (like Buffalo Wild Wings!). I stay away from processed foods as much as possible, don't eat much sugar and have a very limited carb intake. But I don't feel deprived and I don't feel as if I'm "dieting." In fact, this weekend I had a slice of Cold Stone ice cream cake!

However, I still don't feel as if I'm thin. I still feel like the size 12 me, not the new size 2 me. I struggle so much with this perception of myself. I want to look in the mirror and see thin, sexy and beautiful, but I still can't. I want to be able to wear a bikini on my birthday vacation (because I'm keeping all my fingers and toes crossed that this still happens!), but I can't imagine putting this body in a bikini. How do I get past this negative perception of myself?? Seriously, I need advice!

Until next time~

Monday, October 8, 2012


Yesterday was the day we buried Rod's ashes. He finally is laid to rest after seven months. To me, this ceremony brought closure and was my final goodbye. Goodbye to Rod, our life together and our marriage. I needed this to completely say goodbye to the past and now am ready to keep moving on to my new future.

I feared the day was going to be sad. I didn't want to get pulled back into those first couple of tough months of feelings. However, I have a great friend who helped me sort through my feelings ahead of time and I felt prepared for the day. This event meant something different for me than for his family, and knowing that ahead of time helped me face the day with a smile on my face. I think Rod would be happy knowing that I said goodbye to him smiling.

Friday, October 5, 2012

High Five for Friday

You know what makes a week not any fun at all? A cold. I came down with a cold on Monday and I've been dragging all week. Wednesday is the only day I felt relatively well, and that only lasted until the night when I went to bed and couldn't stop coughing. I severely dislike colds!

But, it's Friday. Which means it's time to link up with Lauren at From My Grey Desk and many other great bloggers for High Five for Friday ....

Saturday I went to my first Oktoberfest! (Maybe this is where I caught my cold??) My friend Lisa and I went to the restaurant Gasthof in Minneapolis. They put up a bunch of tents outside and serve beer (of course) and German food. Honestly, I skipped the food and just partook in the beer! It was a blast and I definitely want to go again.

Fall is my favorite season. If I'm ever lucky enough to move away from Minnesota (somewhere where winter doesn't really exist!), I will always make sure to come back home during the fall season so I can see the beautiful fall colors. 

Tuesday I had to go to Target to get cold medicine since I found that pretty much all my medicine from last year was expired. Well, as you know you can't just go into Target for one thing, I ended up picking up this super cute sweatshirt for less than $20. It's pink, stripey and super soft. Love!

One of the best feelings when you're 31 is when people guess your age to be significantly lower. While at Oktoberfest we met a couple of guys and eventually we started talking about how old we all were. Rather than answering, I asked "how old do you think I am?" And the guy said "you can't be any older than 25." Awesome ... I'll take it! (And I did not correct him!)

Being sick with a cold means I have very little energy. Amazingly I've made it to the gym every day this week, but otherwise all I want to do is curl up on my bed. So I'm looking forward to reading this new book I bought. I love chick-lit and Emily Giffin is one of my favorite authors. The first few chapters are good and I can't wait to dive into it!

Until next time~

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Not Giving Up

Sometimes the hardest thing about blogging is coming up with things to write. I have so many ideas in my head, so many things that I want to discuss and need advice on, but I find there is a fine line regarding things too personal. 

I know I've revealed quite a bit personal feelings throughout my grieving process, but I felt that those are things that were okay to discuss. I thought that those words and feelings might help someone else going through the same thing. I know as I was going through it, I just couldn't find the support I needed; I felt as if no one understood what I was going through and I'm hoping some of my posts might help someone else that feels that way. 

But now, the things that occupy my mind most of the time are too personal, too complicated and involve other people's feelings that I know I can't blog about them. Even though going through some of this on my own is near impossible, I can't take the risk to reveal such personal information.

What you need to know, that although I haven't been dating, I still believe in love. Somehow, regardless of the heartache, trials and tribulations I have faced this year, I believe that unexpectedly my soulmate, my true love, will find his way to me. Or I will find my way to him. I might be slow to trust people, and I fear giving out a piece of my heart again, but I'm not giving up hope. I am a romantic at heart and believe that what's meant to be will always find its way. I can't wait to get from the tragic heartbreak of earlier this year, through the confusion and frustration of today, to a happy, love filled ending. 


Until next time~