Friday, September 28, 2012

High Five for Friday

Friday .... This week has been a very uneventful one full of some personal struggles and stress. I have done nothing other than work, go to the gym, take the dogs for long walks and run a few errands. I have spent a grand total of $15 ... no, wait, I had to put gas in my car ... $35 and that was just on food (and the gas!). Finding five things for this week's High Five for Friday is going to be a struggle!

Ice cream has been on my "forbidden list" since April. I indulged in frozen yogurt a month ago, but I've stayed far, far away from Cold Stone ... my enemy and my best friend. However, this past weekend I finally decided to treat myself to some ice cream. I was supposed to get ice cream a couple of weekends ago so I could share it with someone and not feel so guilty about eating it, but we just ran out of time. So I was on my own. I got my favorite, cake batter with Kit Kats and caramel topping mixed in, and took three days to eat it all. It was delicious!

This week was actually a good week to have a quiet week and spend the nights in - new fall premieres on a bunch of my favorite shows! I'm so happy to have How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, Parenthood and Switched at Birth back, but I am thrilled to have New Girl and Grey's Anatomy back - I love those! Grey's of course made me cry, and New Girl never fails to make me laugh.

Speaking of TV, last night The Last Song was on ABC Family. I've seen the movie before and, as usual with Nicholas Sparks novel based movies, it always makes me cry. (What was with all the crying yesterday?? Stupid TV!) However, a few weeks ago I pinned this on Pinterest and it really makes me want to read the book. I'm guessing the book is much better than the movie, and I just love this quote. I love how the main theme in Nicholas Sparks books is that true love never fails.

Earlier this week I went into my local grocery store and, I swear, spent five minutes just staring at the Halloween candy. Last year at this time I would be buying candy like crazy, and thanks to the personal stress, I desperately wanted candy. (I'm obviously a stress sweet eater!) But, this is the good part, I did not buy any! I have lost 37 pounds, and candy is not worth it for me anymore!

I'm starting to think about a birthday vacation again. I've mentioned going away during my birthday as an original reward goal to losing weight, but that idea got pushed to the side. I have ideas of where I would want to go, but going on vacation alone scares the crap out of me. However, my birthdays over the last few years have been disappointing occasions and I want this year to be great. Plus, it's fun to daydream about where I would want to go!

So that's it for this week. Not the most exciting week ever, but at least it wasn't horrible, just quiet. Hope you all had a good week!

Until next time~

Monday, September 24, 2012

I Am Not a Tree

I saw this on Pinterest the other day ...

Lately I haven't been feeling very content in my life. I'm finally getting to a place of happiness and loving myself, but I'm not content with other areas of my life. But is life really that simple where if you don't like where you are, you can just change it? Maybe it is. Maybe I'm too scared to realize it. Maybe I focus too much on the worrying about what could go wrong. But I'm also scared to continue to stay in this same place, to stay this same person for too long.

I want to live a great life, not a maybe life. At the end of the day, I don't want to constantly answer the question of what I did by saying, "nothing exciting." I want my days to be exciting. To be full of hope and accomplishing dreams. 

I want to be in love. Not a complicated, not really sure how to define it, but I think I love you kind of love. But amazing, passionate, fulfilling love. No doubts, no regrets. And I think the only way I'm going to find that is if I continue to change. To prove that I'm worth the risk, I'm worth the fight, I'm worth loving. Because guess what? I AM.

So how do I get from where I am today to where I want to be? How do I begin this journey to what's next in my life??

Friday, September 21, 2012

High Five for Friday

This week has just flown by and it's Friday already!! Right? It is Friday already?? 

Time to link up with Lauren at From My Grey Desk Blog and many other great bloggers for High Five for Friday. What were my highlights of this past week? Let's see ...

I had an amazing weekend; one of the best. I could probably fill all five highlights with events from the weekend it was that good! One of the things I did over the weekend was go to the Twins game. They definitely got their butts kicked so that wasn't the highlight, but our seats were so close to the field you could see everything and I finally was able to get a picture with the mascot!

We sat in the third row back - awesome!

I just love this picture!

I took the plunge and picked up some tall boots. Which means that I also had to buy some super skinny jeans so the knees wouldn't bunch up all strange when wearing them. The ones in this picture are jeggings from American Eagle. Who ever would have thought I'd wear jeggings? Not me!! What do you think?? I think this might become my new fall uniform!

Sweater - Gap, Tank - Kohls, Jeans - AE, Boots - DSW

Over these last few months I've slowly been throwing clothes that no longer fit into a pile into the spare closet. Yesterday I decided to take it a step further and purge through my whole closet. This is the overflowing tote of clothes that are too big for me. It is a lot of clothes! Honestly, I don't have much left in my closet right now! I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Fall has definitely arrived here in Minnesota. I decided to celebrate by picking up one of my favorite fall/ winter drinks from Caribou - the Hot Apple Blast. Try it if you haven't! Starbucks also has a version of it.

My dogs usually embarrass the crap out of me when people come over to my house. They bark, they growl, they jump, they're crazy. Lucky is good at making friends with most people eventually, but Mercedes, on the other hand, hates everyone pretty much. This weekend they surprised me by being relatively calm when a friend stopped by and even became friends. I was so surprised! All hope is not lost!!

They just look cute & innocent!

Until next time~

Monday, September 17, 2012

The Best Moments

Have you ever had a day or weekend where you knew it was great, one of the best? Have you ever stopped to think about why it was so great? Of course, a part of it is circumstance - who you're with, what you're doing - but I think it's more than just that. There's something that makes these "best moments" just magical.

I think it's also because of how you act and how you feel. The best moments come when you stop thinking and overanalyzing. You just live in the moment. You don't question what you're doing or the consequences; you just do what you want to do. You don't worry about how other people are going to judge you and you don't judge yourself. The best days come when you act the most "you" and you know that who you're with will embrace that and love that "you" as well. The best moments are those days when life makes sense, even for just that moment. 

You can't manufacture those best moment days. You can't make them happen. But when they do, I believe they happen for a reason and exactly when you need them. To maybe teach you that all is not lost. That you need to hold hope for your future. That everything you fight for and work so hard for is worth it.

Those are the days that stay with you forever. The days that are imprinted on your memory. The days that you fell in love with the world, and the world loved you back. 

Until next time~

Friday, September 14, 2012

High Five for Friday

Finally it's Friday!! It is definitely time to celebrate as I am looking forward to this weekend more than I've looked forward to a weekend in a long time. It's going to be a great weekend; I know it!!

But before I can get to the weekend, let's recap the highlights of my week for this week's link up with Lauren and many other great bloggers for High Five for Friday ...

I finally got the puppies in for their haircuts. They've desperately needed haircuts for a month or so now, but I've been avoiding it due to the cost. However, after spending two weeks at my parents' farm, I could no longer put it off. I love when they get haircuts - they look so cute after! I always wonder why I don't bring them more often, then I remember how expensive it is!

Before pics on the left, after on the right.

Last weekend I picked up a couple of new Scentsy scents. I picked up Sticky Cinnamon Bun and Baked Apple Pie. Just in time for the upcoming fall and holiday seasons! I wish the lady at the craft fair would have had more holiday scents, but these are good enough for now. I need to order more though because I LOVE holiday scents!!

With fall just around the corner, I decided that I need a new pair of boots. Actually, all I meant to do was wander around DSW for awhile trying boots on and not buy anything, but that just didn't happen! I stumbled upon these boots that are actually short booties and fit perfectly with my new skinny kick jeans that I've been wearing. They don't get bulky under the pant leg. After bringing them home, I wasn't sure about them anymore so I put a picture up on Facebook and everyone voted for me to keep them so they're staying!

This week I came one step closer to finishing a huge project at work that has been stressing me out. I feel such relief! It's not completely finished, but super close. I'm such a perfectionist, and I wanted to show everyone that I could do a great job with this project that I let the stress of that get to me. But now that the bulk of it is done, I can breathe a little easier and relax!

This past weekend was the start of football season (in case you didn't know), and although I have to admit I didn't watch the whole game, I watched the fourth quarter on of the Vikings game. They had such a tough season last year that I just didn't know what to expect. However, I'm glad I turned the TV on and watched the end of the game because it ended up being super exciting and they won in overtime!

I hope everyone had a fabulous week!
Until next time~

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Remembering 9/11

Today is the 11 year anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. I remember exactly where I was on that day. I was 20 years old, in college at St. Cloud State University and at that moment in my apartment alone; my roommate had already left for the day. I turned on the TV while eating breakfast and couldn't believe what I was seeing. I remember turning the TV on shortly before the second plane hit. I remember the sound of the voices from the reporters as that second plane hit and the sheer terror and panic that ensued. I couldn't take my eyes off it as tears streamed down my face.

Classes were canceled that day, but I went to campus anyway. As a way to be around other people, and watch the footage with others rather than feeling alone. Everyone was in disbelief. And no one could stop watching. 

I remember going out the next few days and purchasing newspapers and a Time magazine. To this day, I still have those. They sit in my keepsake trunk and I thought one day, if I ever had kids, I would show them the stories, the pictures, the awe of seeing all the heroes emerge.

I would like to take today to remember and honor those affected by the attacks on 9/11. My heart goes out to all the victims and their families. And a huge thank you to all the heroes who sacrificed their lives that day. 

Until next time~

Friday, September 7, 2012

High Five for Friday

Friday, finally! Although it's been a short work week, it's been a slightly stressful one and I am looking forward to the weekend. Scratch that. There is a possibility I might have to work over the weekend, so let's just say I'm really looking forward to next weekend!

Let's get to the weekly link up with Lauren at From My Grey Desk for High Five for Friday. Did I do anything other than work?? Let's see!

Over the holiday weekend, the puppies and I drove up the road a few miles to try out a new park with walking trails alongside a river. There was some beautiful scenery and it was nice to get out of the house and explore a little bit!

I took advantage of one Labor Day sale - American Eagle was offering 40% off over the holiday weekend. I saw a sweater online and went to the store close to my house to try it on. It was super cute so I of course had to buy it! I'm trying to build up my fall/ winter wardrobe when I find stuff on sale since I have so much to buy since most of my clothes hang off of me!

Like I said this week has been stressful; Tuesday was one of the worst of those days. Amber offered to take me to the new frozen yogurt shop that opened up to get some fro-yo to cheer me up. I had never been to a frozen yogurt shop, and I have to say it was delicious! I got the Birthday Bash flavor and mixed in some candy pieces and caramel sauce. It's a good, and healthier, substitute for what I normally get at Cold Stone! I can't wait to go back and try more flavors.

I'm continuing to lose weight without even trying. I stepped on the scale today and have lost two more pounds. Exciting! I stopped doing Isagenix this week because I just can't afford to keep using it so I was pleased to see that I can lose weight just by eating healthy and going to the gym. This is also impressive since stress makes me overindulge in chocolate!

I have amazing friends, and I am so grateful for that. After posting my blog on Tuesday, I had a few friends call or text to check in on me and help cheer me up. You know who you are! You guys are amazing!! 

I hope you all have had a wonderful week. If it's been stressful like mine, dark chocolate always helps. As do walks in the beautiful sunshine!

Until next time~

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Bitterness and Six Months

It's been six months since Rod passed away. Most days it feels like so long ago, and I think, really, only six months?? I think that's my brain's way of dealing with it all. But some days, like this weekend and today, I am haunted by the memories. And not the good memories. The memories of that night, March 4th; the bad and scary memories. When this happens, I have a hard time and I'm faced with so much sadness and bitterness. I realize that I'm in charge of my own feelings (so everyone, please stop telling me this), but sometimes even the strongest people can't choose to be happy. Sadness is a part of life, and you need to let me be sad on occasion.

So many people are telling me to keep my chin up, be strong, be brave, and I do that pretty much every single day, but sometimes that's difficult to do. Sometimes I just want to slap the next person who tells me that. (And I'm not a violent person!) I feel like everyone around me is allowed to have bad or sad days, but not me. Everyone always wants me to smile through it, not show my pain or sadness. But guess what?? I have bad days. I have sad days. I don't sit at home crying all day, but I still feel sad sometimes. And on those days, don't give me some BS line about shaking it off and being strong. Just give me hug. Ask me to go out for a drink or some ice cream. I know that through this whole thing, I have put on a brave face. I have smiled through my pain and rarely showed anyone my tears. But that doesn't mean I always have to be brave and happy. I'm tired of being expected to be the strong one all the time. 

Like I said, I'm bitter. I'm having a few bad days. Please don't judge; you'll never understand until it happens to you. And I hope you don't have to go through what I've had to go through. Tomorrow is a new day. A day when I can hopefully choose to be happy. But for today, on the date that marks just six months since I lost my husband, I am sad.

Source: via Laura on Pinterest

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Why You're Beautiful

On Twitter, I follow Thought Catalog. The description of the account says "Thought Catalog is a place for relevant and relatable writing." I have read many articles that have been posted, and most that I choose to read are on the humorous side and I find them very funny. All of the articles are well written and might not apply to me, but I still enjoy reading them. 

Today, I stumbled on an article called "Why Your're Beautiful" written by Mila Jaroniec. I encourage you to read the whole article because it is wonderfully written, but this part of the article moved me. I felt like it applied so well in my situation, and wanted to share it on my blog as well ... 

 Why You're Beautiful 

You’re beautiful because you’re stronger than anyone thought. I didn’t think you were at first. I expected the pain of your wrecked relationship to eat you alive. I expected you to burst into tears spontaneously every day for the next decade, stop washing your hair and only smile faintly when someone asked how you were doing. I thought you would still be wearing the ring alone in your apartment, self-medicating to the point where it was no longer a #whitegirlproblem but an actual problem. But you pushed through it. You’re happy and healthy now, and you refer to yourself as “I” rather than “we.” I couldn’t be prouder of you....

You’re beautiful because you believe in things. Even when it’s easier to be cynical, skeptical, hyper-rational, you keep believing because you know believing in things is what makes them real. You’re beautiful for that reason, because you can do something lots of people can’t. I know I can’t. I admire you and sometimes I’m jealous.

You’re beautiful and you shouldn’t wait for someone else to tell you. You already know it, just see it.