Thursday, August 2, 2012

Dating as a Widow

The time has come to enter the dating world again. I know it is the right time for me, but it definitely isn't easy. After six years of only ever going out with my husband, I have to sit with a stranger and make conversation, be flirty, be cute and somehow come across as way more confident than I feel.

In preparation for my first date, I did a little research on dating as a widow. Things written for people my age was hard to find. Not surprising, I guess. All I could find were tips such as "do things in your own time," "don't rush into things" and "try to get over the guilt." Not helpful. I was looking for advice on when to tell a potential date that you're a widow. Can you talk about what happened? How do you explain that part of your life?

Here's the thing. As a widow, I believe that people have preconceived notions about you. That you're still grieving every day. That you're not "over" your husband. That you'll break down and cry if they ask you about what happened. Truth is, I miss him, of course, but I am not a "grief stricken widow." And no, I'm not "over" my husband nor will I ever be. He was a huge part of my life and when our relationship ended, it ended without a reason or a goodbye. I don't think you ever get over that, but you do get past it. I am ready to move on and take what I learned and apply to what's next in my life. And if someone wants to know about what happened, ask. I will not break down in tears. To me, that night is a blur and I have had to explain over and over again what happened, that it's easier to tell now; it's just part of my life story. 

Honestly, I dread telling someone that I'm a widow. But I guess if someone can't handle that, then oh well. He's not worth my time.

In this situation, for my first date, I told him up front that I was a widow. I found that much easier to do via text message than face to face! I struggled with knowing what to do. But I figured that if I was going to get rejected, I would rather get rejected prior to the date than on the date.

So how did my first date go? I will say that the first date was awkward. Or, rather, I was awkward. I found myself consistently over thinking everything I did. Everything I said. Over thinking what was going to happen at the end of the date. Do you know how difficult it is to be fun and flirty when your mind is constantly churning? I felt as if I was horrible at it. But, as with all things in life, it's a learning process and things will get easier. Luckily for me, I had a date with a great guy who is super understanding of the situation. I couldn't have asked for anything better.

Until next time~


  1. I am glad you are "out there". I think it is great that your are blogging about all of this.

  2. Congrats Kris! All the best!