Thursday, April 12, 2012

The "Right" Time

Today I've been struggling with doing things at the "right" time or handling everything the "right" way. I'm not saying that there is a right way, but I feel as if I'm not doing the things the right way. I feel as if people think I'm doing things too soon, or just not behaving the way I'm "supposed" to be. 

Yesterday I started to go through Rod's clothes in the closet. I kept tripping over the basket of laundry on the bottom of the closet and cursing him for not putting his clothes away after I did laundry. I know that probably sounds stupid, but just try to put yourself in my shoes for a moment - I trip over the laundry basket of perfectly folded clothes, get mad at Rod, then remember that he didn't have time to put them away. My thought process isn't logical all the time. 

So ... rather than worry about tripping over the laundry basket, or wait for the pile that kept growing bigger to topple over, I decided to go through his clothes. I took everything off the hangers and out of the basket and made piles around my office - things I want to keep, things his parents might want and donations. Somehow going through it all made me feel better; I was doing something. But then, someone made a comment, "you're doing that already?". Well, yes. Is that wrong? How long am I supposed to wait? How long am I supposed to stare at these clothes that he'll never wear again? Is there a right time for me to start going through his things? 

Then, comes the big debate of how long to wear my engagement and wedding rings. This is something I wrestle with on a daily basis. I know some people wear them for years and years, and others take them off right away. Two days ago I took mine off and placed them, with Rod's wedding ring, on top of his urn. It just seemed like the right place for them at that moment. But, I worry that people will see my hand and think I did it too soon. That I'm moving on, when all I'm doing is trying to not be reminded every second of the promise for a lifetime together that isn't coming true. Maybe I did remove them too soon; I don't know.

I don't know the "right" way to handle any of this. I don't know the "right" time to be doing anything. I do know that this sucks. Plain and simple.

3 comments:

  1. Kristine - there is no right or wrong way. You do what your heart tells you to do. You have to heal in your own way. There is no time limit, no guide lines and no rule book. Just do what your heart tells you to do. There will always be someone that thinks they would have done this or that differently - they are not walking in your shoes right now. Just trust your own heart. ~hugs ♥

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    1. Thank you! I'm working on trusting my own heart rather than caring what other people think.

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  2. I agree, you have to trust what makes you feel better. What ever that choice is, is the right choice at the moment. Even if someone has been in yours shoes they still would not react to the situation the same way. Everyone is different and that is how GOD made us. Rejoice in the fact that the little things you can do around the house brings you comfort and a way to know that you are healing. big hugs to you!

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