Monday, April 9, 2012

The First Holiday

Easter marked the first holiday on my own without Rod. I won't tell you that it was a fun and happy occasion, but I made it through, missing him the entire weekend. 

Rod loved Easter. Mostly because it meant getting to eat all of his favorite foods - ham, mashed potatoes and deviled eggs. Those foods just made him happy. This year I had to sit through two meals with basically the same foods with the same thought running through my head - Rod would have loved this meal; why isn't he here?? I thought of asking my mom to serve something different, but I didn't want everyone else to suffer just because ham made me miss Rod too much.

I bowed out of my yearly duty. Usually my job is to make dessert. I spend hours researching cute and festive dessert recipes narrowing it down to the perfect one. This year, however, I didn't feel like baking. Rod had always been the one to encourage my baking; he loved being the taste tester! Without him here, I just couldn't bring myself to bake anything this year. 

One of the most difficult things for me is seeing everyone else being happy and celebrating. I just don't know how to get to that happy place yet. On Easter (and actually every day), I see all the families together, all of the couples holding hands, people celebrating the holiday, and it makes me remember that I don't have my family now or someone to hold my hand. It's just me.

I am so grateful that I was able to spend the weekend with my parents, and my brother, nephew, Grandpa, aunts, uncles and cousins. I wouldn't have been able to make it through the holiday without them being around. My family is so wonderful during this time. And to the couple of friends that texted me or wrote me, thank you. You guys are amazing, true friends that make each day a little easier.

Happy Easter!

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