This March has been the toughest month of my life. On March 4th, my heart was broken and my world was shattered. My husband passed away at 3:30am that Sunday. His death was very unexpected, very sudden, and very, very sad. He died of a massive heart attack in our home. He was only 40 years old.
Finding Rod early that Sunday was the worst moment of my life, and having to plan his funeral was the second. How do you plan a funeral when you've never talked about it? Never imagined that it would come this soon?
Every day I have to remind myself that he is gone. There are many, many times that I have called out to him, or reached for my phone to send him a quick text. Then I remember that he won't answer, or isn't there.
I am taking it day by day. Going through the motions to get things done that have to be done. Most days I want to stay in bed, but I force myself to get up, eat breakfast, take a shower and walk the dogs. I am so very sad, but my life is still going on and I can't hide forever. A few things keep me going every day:
~ My dogs. They have to be fed, walked and demand attention.
~ My family, friends and neighbors. I have amazing people in my life that check in on me every day.
~ Knowing that God has a plan. I don't understand it yet, and I really don't like it, but God has a reason.